Update on December 17, 2020: I have now moved the videos from YouTube to my Vimeo page.
Loving kindness, that acceptance of yourself just as you are. That is something that I don’t always find very easy. I catch myself doing something, reacting to someone, speaking to someone, thinking something that I really wish that I didn’t do, say or think. I have an image of myself and how I want to show up in the world, even if I don’t articulate it to myself, and then something comes out of my mouth that has me squirming.
I think that it is easy to come into meditation thinking something like, “meditation will make me a better person,” and then as I start sitting I find all sorts of thoughts emerging in my mind and I feel anything but a better person. There is no denying them, they are there. I am watching them, noting them, and coming back to the breath.
And there in comes the practice of loving kindness. In practicing meditation we are choosing to show up and be with ourselves regardless of what arises. We note and accept what comes up with no judgement, giving it the space to be, and not reacting against it or getting involved with it. This is not an indulgence. It is not allowing the good and not so good to have reign over us. Rather it is us getting closer to who we are. I am not trying to cover up that which I wish wasn’t there. I am not trying to distract myself and get involved in activities that don’t serve me so that I don’t have to look at myself. Quite the contrary, I am being with my humanness. I am accepting my humanity as it is.
As I start to accept myself, develop loving kindness towards myself, so I then have the ability to start working with those emotions and behaviours that don’t serve me. I can be with them and don’t get pulled so strongly by them. I sit with the agreeable and disagreeable with an open heart. I am no longer having a go at myself for what I wish wasn’t there. There is more acceptance. I am there for myself and don’t give up on myself.